In-Law Support

In-law support is a non-denominational, non-racial support organization, for anybody and everybody that has difficult relationships with their in-laws. Yes, your spouse or partner may have chosen to be with you, while you may not necessarily be the choice of the rest of his/her family. Perhaps you are a mother-in-law who does not approve of the person your son or daughter dates, or is married to, or your mother- and/or father-in-law is not very fond of you. Maybe you don’t see eye to eye with your sister in-law.

We live in a world where people are from different races, have different beliefs, likes and dislikes, cultures, etc. It isn’t always easy to make in-law relationships work among people with the same backgrounds, but when there are many differences, there is bound to be conflict at some stage or another.

In the cases I studied, family objected because their son, daughter, sister or brother chose to be with someone that just isn’t right.

Having to deal with difficult in-law relationships can be very stressful. This is also one of the reasons many couples choose to get divorced. I can appreciate that family sometimes don’t approve of someone or try to sabotage the relationship because they care and they don’t want the person they care about to choose the “wrong” partner. But what if it turns into an ego match where the most important thing is getting one’s way, when we don’t regard the way our loved one feels?

Objective of In-law support
The objective of in-law support is to assist people in helping to build better relationships with their in-laws. In the cases where relationships are destroyed and people feel it is better to stay apart, they will be guided to manage the situation by dealing with stress, anger and their insecurities.

I also went through a difficult time filled with pain, anger and resentment. It is not the fact that I am not approved of, but what was done to me – very hurtful things indeed. I have wasted too much time dwelling in the past, licking my wounds, but I’m glad I made the decision not to do that anymore. I cannot change the past, but I can grab the future with both hands. My husband doesn’t deserve an angry and bitter wife and our precious son doesn’t deserve an angry and bitter mother. I learned many lessons because of what I went through, but more importantly to be more tolerant and to parent consciously – meaning that I will always be aware that my son doesn’t “belong” to me. He is just a precious gift that God entrusted me with. That I am not raising him for me, but I am raising him to become the best human being that he can possibly be, to become someone else’s husband – someone that I may not be very fond of. However I made a pledge to myself to get to know the person, to give her a fair chance especially because I love my son so much.

So often we as parents expect our children to live up to our expectations, to marry the person of our choice. We are indirectly saying to our children “you are unable to make your own decisions.” We spend all our lives teaching our children to be independent and to make their own decisions. We tell them how proud we are of them being able to make their own decisions, being independent. How does it make them feel when we suddenly feel they are unable to choose for themselves?

For more information, contact Andeline on inlawsupport@mweb.co.za